Lonny Harper

At the age of three, I fell out of the car. It was all down hill from there.

As a child, I abhorred reading, except for that book about the seven Chinese twin brothers with the different powers. One was going to be executed because he accidentally drowned another guy after sucking all of the water out of a pond. I loved that book…anyway. I was a fan of the Muppets and was an avid Cub Scout, Weblo, and then Boy Scout. My goal by that point was to earn my Eagle Award so my parents would let me get my driver’s license. Once that was accomplished, I held some crappy part-time jobs: cleaning the meat room at the local butcher, pizza cook, stockman for the megalomaniacal Wal-Mart, and yogurt slinger for TCBY (this was the best job in the history of jobs!) It was the yogurt gig that introduced me to Tina, my best friend and eventual wife.

Also, I floundered around in college, worked at programming robots (not the cool kind), and finally dropped into a classroom teaching language arts. Who’d a-thunk it!

What was the first book you read?
I have a distinct memory of being in the second grade, eating paste, and reading Peter and the Wolf. I’m sure it’s the paste that makes this memory stick out.

If you had one wish, what would it be?
As Steve Martin once said, “If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
      If I had two wishes that I could wish for this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace... and the second would be for $30 million a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.
     You know, if I had three wishes that I could make this holiday season, first, of course, would be for all the children to get together and sing… the second would be for the $30 million every month to me… and the third would be for all encompassing power over every living being [and] thing in the entire universe.
     And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, first would be the crap about the kids... second would be for the $30 million... the third would be for all the power... and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year for an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought about slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina somebody, I can't think of her name, of course my lovely wife could come, too. She's behind me 100% on this, I guarantee you.
     Wait a minute; maybe that sex thing should be the first wish! So, if I made that the first wish, because, you know, it could all go boom tomorrow, and then what have you got? No, no... the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. No, no, who am I kidding! I mean, they’re not gonna be able to get all those kids together! I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible! It's more trouble than it's worth! So, we reorganize: here we go. First, the sex - we go with that; second, the money. No! We go with the power second, then the money, and then the kids. Oh, wait, oh geez! I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay... revenge against all my enemies; they should die like pigs in Hell! That would be the fourth wish! And of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of peace and harmony. Thank you, everybody.”

Which Muppet would you be?
I, of course, would have to be Waldorf. I can’t wait until I’m of the old age that allows me to putter and yell unintelligible obscenities.

What’s your midnight snack of choice?
Generic brand Honey-n-nut Cheerio’s. Mmmm…..generic….

What’s your favorite TV show?
It used to be The Simpson’s, but now, I watch relentlessly the DVD for CSI. And I’m talkin’ the real one. Not any of that Miami or New York crap!

What is your favorite story/novel?
Honestly, I have to shrink back to the adolescent novels for this. It has to be Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

What was the last book you read?
Um…book….after searching my mind all the way back about…a year, it would be Siege of Darkness by R.A. Salvatore. Since then it’s been short excerpts on curriculum design and Flash animation.

What hobbies do you have?
Geez, how to answer this. I at one time was heavy in to rock climbing, Tae Kwon Do, and now it’s more along the lines of drawing in Flash for an HD-IMAGE, up-coming feature and Jujitsu. And grad school…oh, this torture never seems to end.

What’s the last good movie you saw?
It certainly wasn’t Ginger Snaps 3. I would say the answer is in the question…Saw. Excellent movie!

Favorite toy as a kid.
A stick. With one end wrapped in duct tape. I spent many a-weekend chasing similarly armed friends and whacking them repeatedly…or being whacked. I’m sure there was no lasting damage.