Fear of the Dark
Release Date: 2004
DVD Encoding: Region 1
Rated PG-13

On today’s heart-wrenching After School Special, we find twelve-year-old Ryan Billings struggling to handle his fear of the dark. Like all children he’s afraid of monsters that lurk under our beds and in our closets. Unfortunately, his monsters are real. And they’re cowboys??

Many years ago, when Ryan was just a kid, as he explains it, he encountered the monsters that lurk in his basement when his toy tank rolled away from him. Since then, the monsters come after him every night, grabbing any bits of flesh that are visible beneath the covers because everyone knows, monsters simply cannot penetrate that thin, micro-woven layer of a cotton bed sheet.

So, how does this story unfold? Like all classic movies of course. Mom and Dad decide to leave the kids at home alone during the worst storm on human record. And, of course, since Ryan’s afraid of the dark, the power has to go out.

Luckily, the parents have planned ahead. There lies an arsenal of flashlights in the most logical places: the attic and the basement. And when all else fails, there’s the flood lights that have the apparent luminosity of...the sun! Again, though, to start these lights, someone must venture into the basement, which is where they keep granny with her skin disorder.

So how should we end this review? We’ll end it much the same way we ended this movie. We stopped it. And then went outside.

Went outside and wept.

Wept like little girls.