Hatchetman
Directed by Robert Tiffi
Starring Cheryl Renee, Chris Moir, Jon Briddell, Mia Zottoli, and Darren Reiher
Release Date: 2003
DVD Encoding: Region
Unknown
Rated R

When the back of a movie box states, “College coed by day...stripper by night,” you know that cinematic gold is on its way.

Hatchetman begins the way all low-budget horrors should—boobies bouncing on stage, women being catty, followed by a masked, hatchet-wielding killer hacking up the ugliest stripper and lopping off her hands. From there, the movie centers on stripper Claudia and her stripper friends who are all being stalked by the same masked menace. Even through the carnage and emotional turmoil, the women all manage to still show up for work to do a little dance and get down tonight. Now that’s loyalty.

As usual, bad dialogue, stereo-typical characters, and even worse acting is rampant in Hatchetman, and just when it seems the campiness has reached an unbearable level, more dancing boobies appear.

If you choose to rent Hatchetman, stop it when Claudia, Rob, and Molly go to the house in the woods. The final encounter with the killer exemplifies everything about cheesy horrors: inept, screaming women who won’t freakin’ run; bumbling, slow-witted men; and a killer that is impossible to kill. Come on, a pitch fork to the gut? Besides, the ending completely ruins that warm, euphoric feeling of jiggling hooters provided by the rest of the movie.