Spliced
Directed by Gavin Wilding
Starring Ron Silver, Liane Balaban, Drew Lachey, Siri Baruc, and Billy Morton
Release Date: 2002
DVD Encoding: Region 1
Rated R

Which should be discussed first: Spliced or The Wisher. The latter is the movie inside of the movie, which begins to distract from the movie and makes you wonder why they just did not call it The Wisher to begin with and be done with it. After what seems like hours, it begins to make sense.

Spliced is a nauseatingly slow movie about a girl, Mary, who sleepwalks, is aroused by scary things, obsesses over horror movies, and is stalked by the killer from the movie The Wisher. If things couldn’t be worse for her, other than the fact that she resembles a heroin-addicted Olive Oil, The Wisher begins to grant her wishes in really horrible ways. As one would hope.

Like most great horror movies, The Wisher, clad in torn potato sacks with broken bits of glass duct taped to his fingers, is filmed out of focus during most of the movie, which clearly adds to horror credibility. Adding to his creepiness is the fact that in the middle of a school yard full of students, no one can see him except for Mary.

Now for The Wisher: This movie is touted as being the greatest horror movie ever created...in the movie. It is so horrifyingly scary that barf bags are given to its viewers. Mary learns, though, after making the connection that all of her wishes have been coming true and through the power of the internet, that the makers of the movie embedded subliminal messages into the film, which explains the barf bags.

At this point the two movies merge together and the whole spliced mess becomes a repetitive nightmare. Gaping plot holes emerge as the true killer is unveiled. How in the world could no one else see him? It’s broad daylight! People are everywhere and no one sees him but Mary?

You should use this same method when in the video store. Just act like you don’t see it. Even the alternate ending should be ignored.

Frankly, I can’t even find it to take it back.